Do You Know: Robot Rump Round-Up

Bruisey Ricardo #1951—the sweet mommy of OJ, baker of yummy cupcakes and owner of the fiercest booty on the Cornfed team. How does something so sweet, stuffed in such a tiny package kick so much butt?

What does your daughter think about roller derby? -Slambot
OJ (who is almost 3) loves roller derby! She loves snuggling up on the couch with me to watch bouts on my iPad and putting on my equipment around the house. Her one complaint is my black mouth guard: “I can’t like that mustache!

Why is it impossible to get around such a small booty? -Jen-A-Roll
You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!

Is it really possible to hurt parts you can’t see? -DevilDoc
I’m sort of the Princess of hurting parts you can’t see. Annie Anthrax is the Queen, though. wink

How did you get a robot butt? -Bobbi Pin
I was abducted by aliens from the planet Derbytron. They took my real butt for experiments and shipped me back to Earth with a shiny robot butt. Jerks.

What is your favorite derby story? -Candy Hanrahan
I don’t think I have a favorite to be honest. I have so many memories with CFDD: some good, some bad, some amazing, some hilarious. I guess you could say that my favorite story is my entire CFDD story. I’ve watched it grow from girls meeting in a bar (excuse to drink beer!) to a group of athletes. I’m so very proud of that story.

How long have you been roller skating? (Did you start skating as a kid or learn later?) -Go Do Muncie
I started skating in first grade. I actually remember my first school skating party. I continued to skate until my freshman year of high school when it became “uncool.” Of course, “going skating” back then usually meant foosball, nachos, and worrying about who I would (or wouldn’t) couples skate with. I took a hiatus for some years and started back up again as CFDD began forming.

You have to build a celebrity roller derby team and name it. Go. (Extra Challenge: Derby name based off of their real names.) -Mgn Msgrv
Bruisey’s Celebrity Bruisers!
Gary Busey as SCARY BUSEY
Michael Jackson’s Ghost as MICHAEL GetBACK,SON
Jennifer Lopez as JENNY’S GONNA BLOCK (Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got!)
Katy Perry as SCATY SCERRY
Donald Trump as TRUMP ‘EM
Simon Cowell as SIMON FOUL (He has penalty issues. Probably misconduct or something.)
Paul McCartney as MR. MCFARTNEY (I don’t care how childish that is. FARTS ARE FUNNY.)
Adele as AH-HELL
David Beckham as DAVID DECKEM
Ashton Kutcher as ASHTON BUTCHER (He’d have some dumb catch phrase like “YOU JUST GOT BUTCHERED, BRO.”)
Lil Wayne as LIL PAYNE (Though, he’ll be ejected from most games.)
Meryl Streep as READ ‘EM AND STREEP
Sarah Jessica Parker as PARKER UP (You know… like a kiss. Derp.)

BOOM! (Much harder than I thought it would be!)

How do you get rid of pre-game jitters? Who is your derby role model? -OCDiva #34:
I’ve squashed the jitters with a number of things: figure skating with OCDiva, listening to 90’s pop with Sonic the Trackhog, having a little alone time, running around in circles… I wish I had one specific ritual, but I like to go with the flow.
Derby role models? Diva should know better than to ask me this, because I could go on for days! I’ll just give you a little taste, though.
The obvious, Bonnie Thunders, Gotham Girls Roller Derby. I love watching her, as does any other skater. So smooth and calm!
Juke Boxx, Minnesota Roller Girls. So strong and agile! And this video:
Dora the Destroyer, Naptown Roller Girls. Watching her tiny butt made me believe in my tiny butt.

How does it feel to crush so many souls when they try and fail to get around your amazing little hiney? -Funky ColdMestinka
It feels great. I love being one of the smallest girls on the track and crushing souls! Don’t ever underestimate a tiny hiney!

What is the thing you would like most to accomplish in your derby career? -Mark Reid
This list is huge but, in a nutshell, I never want to stop improving. I want to retire one day (a LONG time from now) knowing that I put all of my mind and body into every practice, every jam, every game. I would also like to coach – maybe junior derby!

What delicious baked good, beer, snack etc would make you less anxious when you jam? -Breckin U. Down
Concannon’s Bakery makes the best little tea cookies. Dangle a few of those in front of me and BOOM… jam magic. (SPONSOR ME, CONCANNON’S!)

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